Hello sophomore

been a year since the last time i opened my blog. well the last few days were my first week of the sophomore year. No significant change. my seniors (still) don't allowed us to to many things. (clicheeeeeeeee.) my seniors (still) hates us. but that was okay though.. I choose not to care about it..

what i care about is my high school friends. I feel like i finally found my true friends. I miss my junior high schools girls, but they seems like don't miss us and they love it to move on. and yet it feels soo wrong. I felt a certain unbridgeable distance between us. I guess it could never again feel natural to talk freely to them.

Any attempts to feign normal social interactions were just stressing because it was so glaringly evident that everyone I spoke to for about 9 years would feel awkward and self-conscious around me.

selamat malam september

Hari ini saya pensiun jadi bunga matahari. Pemilik saya sudah resign dan cari tempat baru. Ternyata rasanya seperti ini ya.. saya pun gak yakin lagi kalau kesempatan kedua exist buat saya.

Jobdesc saya masih sama. Tetap jadi diri sendiri, dan tidak perlu terlalu berusaha untuk menjadi sempurna. Walau sudah tidak ada yang kasih pupuk, walau sudah tidak ada yang rawat, walau sudah tidak ada yang siramin, saya harus tetap menghadap matahari. 

saya harus tetap menghadap matahari.
karena sejatinya saya dan pemilik saya memang cuma memori.

Time to Say Goodbye

Hi!

I just passed 2 best days of the last 3 years. Am now sitting on my bed, typing, remembering what had just happened tonight. 

I've been thinking about this too much. How will I be in the next 2 years, 5, or maybe 10 years from now. Who will I be hanging with, love stories, dream things.. Tonight might be the last time I saw you. i don't like goodbyes. Its never fun to say goodbye. Never understood the meaning of good in that word. where's the good in parting ways with people you care for a lot?

And I realized! di halaman depan gereja waktu gladi bersih, waktu kita main-main, kejar-kejaran, tertawa lebar, itu adalah main-main terakhir kita sama sahabat kita. Sahabat yang akan pergi.

3 tahun bahkan lebih. Dan besok, gue udah gak bisa lihat lo lagi.. Bahkan kalaupun bisa, mungkin beberapa tahun lagi. 

Di saat gue bangun besok pagi, gue mau semuanya selesai. Kesedihan, galau, cemberut udah gak ada lagi. Disaat gue bangun besok pagi, harus ada senyum. Walaupun waktu itu sangaat lama. I'll wait. I believe we'll find each other soon, someday, somehow.

"Selalu ada 1001 alasan untuk perpisahan. tapi saya percaya, sebab paling mendasar selalu sederhana dan alami: Memang sudah waktunya."

-#Deeidea

fifteen

Thankyou for everyone behind this COOL surprise!
I love you all no matter what:"D
Really hope at my birthdays years ahead,
we'll be still together just like this one..
16/01/2012

its fireworks everywhere right now. I can hear it here, in my bedroom, laying on my bed, typing.

I'm about to talk about new year, as you can predict hehe. well, am actually not going to make any goal tonight. so let's talk about "Friends".

today i've learned something about friendship. don't think too high. Friendship isnt always be good, be nice, and so on. well, sometimes you try your hardest but things dont work out the way you want them too. Sometimes you've tried to make your friends smile, but they just don't care about you. about what've you done. about your work making them happy.

semakin kita besar, pasti keliatan kok. Teman yang benar, yang real. sama teman, yang cuma friends for benefit. we might be sad. we might be disappointed. we also might cry. Tapi yaa, harus bisa. Life goes on, and if you dont move along with it, youll never be able to catch it again.

" Sometimes, no matter how long, or how much you love someone, they will never lve you back and somehow you have to learn to be okay with that."

hm but after all, friends is one of the best things to ever happen to me.

HAPPY NEW YEAR DUDESS! time flies way faster than cheetah, aye? :/

thankyou for making me wake up everyday knowing that I'll always have a friend I can rely on :)

love will find you

adolescence, those best years in our life.

love must be around you somehow. even many of my friends having a lasting relationships already with their beloved one. I actually found good quote on twitter last week, it says:

'The good news is one person has what it takes to change the world, the bad news is you haven't realized that it's you :)'

I once wondering if I could ever have someone in this life that fits for me, smile together, run after me, cook me for dinner, ask me for coat, there for me when he shouldn't be, small surprise, sees me through, and so on. But I need those later. really, if my friends or anyone could ever ask me why im single now, its because I want it too. I believe that love will go after me. seriously, whats the point of being in a relationship when all you waste is your time and tears? Get a grip, girl. unless you're dying to cry your heart out.

There's no need to rush! If something is meant to be, it will happen. In the right time, with the right person, for the best reason. (yea TUMBLR). but look, life is too short to be stressing yourself with a person who doesn't even deserve to be an issue in your life. right? from all the things that happen, it reminds me that everything has a limit. There will always be a rain behind a long summer

even though it looks like I don't want to be in a relationship, there will always be that time when I sit and listen to everyone's love stories and I'm thinking to myself: where's mine?

but I can truly feel the free-ness of the single ladies (yea berwarna). yeap, and this is funnnnnnnnnn:):):)
actually, all I want to say is:

Remember to care for those who care for you.

good night, my single ladies
warm huggggssss:D

WOAH its been a very long time aitee? here i am again saying sorry for the gazillion times for not posting regularly. kinda miss typing hereee. well, i'm 14 now and sit in the 9th grade class. geshh time flies sooo fast! Am getting bigger, getting better, getting taller, smarter ( i am!), and get so many experience in last 3 years. here it goes then!

First, does anybody know how to keep this font Trebuchet? well, never mind, here it goooooessssssss..

My life has already changed. I knew that. I'm getting older and know whats best for me. I even laugh at myself while remembering my 7th grade year, crying at school, "galau"ing almost every night.. kinda like "what have I done..........oh God"

many people said that I'm growing up. I even try to tweet only my happy moments, trying not to make myself look miserable in my own timeline...... hohohoho. I once lost someone in this teenage life, and seeing him quite happy out there. I was happy for you though. But we all need to be happy. Just don't tie it to people or things. Tie it as a goal. I am tying it as a goal.
the good thing i like about myself is that i forget things easily. ummm let me correct this, forget "bad" things easily. when i get mad at someone or when i'm firing up in emotion , all i need is a good sleep and as soon as i wake up, i'm good.

hmhmhm aanndd you guys should listen to Superman-Joe Brooks! actually the lyrics in this song suites me...:P

good day!

truly a new year

BONJOUR! such a bad blogger.. maaaf!

HARI INI. tanggal 21 Januari 2011. hari ini sempet ngajak gue flashback sedikit ke sebuah malam di tanggal ke lima bulan Oktober lalu. Yap, tangal 5 Oktober itu hari ulangtaun nyokap gue. dan juga sekaligus hari terberat yang pernah gue rasain selama 2010.

Hari itu gue menyadari suatu hal. Gue udah kehilangan tanggung jawab gue. Nilai nilai gue jeblok. Gue kelayapan kemana mana. Gue slalu keluar kelas buat urusan urusan lain yang gue pikir, jauh lebih penting. Gue sadar, gue tau semua itu. Tapi gue ngerasa itu semua udah jadi bagian hidup gue, dan gue merasa nyaman sama keadaan itu. Sampaii bokap pun juga menyadari itu, dan.. yah. gue emang harus ngelepas semua itu. keluar dari zona aman gue.

Malem itu gue sekeluarga makan makan di restoran di daerah Senayan. Dan dari siang gue emang udah sedih dan down banget. bel pulang sekolah, di mobil, di restoran, mata gue gak berhenti henti berkaca-kaca. nangis sih tepatnya. Well, gue gak se histeris itu juga. Gue juga sadar, itu juga hari ulangtaun nyokap gue. Jujur gue malem iu bener bener gak niat ngapa-ngapain. Gue makan aja ogah-ogahan. gue kedinginan, gue gak nyaman, makanannya nggak enak, and so on. pulang dari makan malam yang, ugh, sangat tidak nyaman itu, gue naik mobil sama papa berdua. gue duduk di belakang, karena gue sakit kepala luar biasa. Gue akhirnya gak sanggup lagi dan gue menangis juga. Nangis diam diam sih tepatnya. Bokap gue ngebut. Karena alasannya gue besok ada ulangan dan belom belajar. Jujur, gue pengen banget marah. Siapa peduli sih besok ada ulangan! Tapi bokap gue ngotot dan bela belain ngebut. gue sedih, gue marah. dan malam itu gue sakit panas tinggi.

Yaah, tapi berangsur angsur gue udah coba liat positifnya. Gue udah move on. dan akhirnya gue memutuskan jadi MC di Pra Remaja, yaitu kebaktian untuk anak dibawah gue. disitu gue cerita semua. Gue harap itu bisa jadi contoh buat orang lain. Jujur, waktu gue cerita di depan, gue berkaca-kaca. Gue inget semua lagi. Rasa makanan di restoran itu, keputusan yang gue udah buat, bunyi suara mobil papa yang ngebut, suara papa yang nyuruh gue belajar 2 jam di meja makan. Suara2 itu masih ada. dan gue gak bisa tahan lagi.

waktu TM CUP, kertas itu ditempel di mading. Kertas yang isinya adalah daftar calon calon pengurus OSIS. Gue lari sekuat mungkin ke lantai dua untuk ngeliat kertas itu. Gue lari, sepatu gue gue pegang (karena flat shoes dan gak mungkin dibuat lari), berharap, berdoa dalam hati, supaya nama itu ada disana.

Tangan gue naik turun di kertas itu. Mengecek setiap baris. Apa ada nama Raphaela, atau paling gak Lala. tangan gue semakin turun. semakin turun. Dan habis. Gue coba naikin tangan gue lagi. Mencari nama itu. Hati gue berdegup kencang. Mata gue berkaca kaca. Tapi nama itu tetap gak ada.

Gue lari ke kamar mandi. Gue nangis disana. satu menit, dua menit. Gue keluar, gue lap mata gue, gue keluar dari kamar mandi itu, dan pura pura tegar dan gak terjadi sesuatu apapun. Gue kembali ke teman teman gue. Mereka tanya, dan gue jawab, "gak ada. haha gakpapalah.". ....... what? gakpapa lah? apa itu gue yang lagi berbicara? hh.. gue sendiri juga gak yakin.

Dan hari ini, hari itu datang. Tuhan emang selalu melakukan yang terbaik untuk anakNya. waktu Tuhan emang bukan waktu manusia. Tuhan bilang tahun depan, ya tahun depan. nothing is impossible. hari ini Ibu debby manggil gue. dia bicara panjang lebar. Mata gue udah berkaca kaca. tapi gue buang muka. bu debby selesai bicara. Dia tersenyum. Gue langsung menuju ke sahabat gue. Gue teriak sedikit, gue senyum sangat lebar, gue bersyukur sangat amat.

Setelah itu, gue bergegas ke kelas gue. gue pencet huruf "d, a, d" dan gue pencet warna hijau. gue menelfon bokap gue. 3 menit, 4 menit. gue tersenyum sangaaaaaaat lebar. hati gue berdegup senang sekali.

gue adalah OSIS 2011-2012 sekarang.

tadi gue dari senayan city. disana gue dan kakak2 gue ketemuan sama papa. ya seperti biasa. kita makan. semua berjalan normal. dan sebelum bokap gue pergi lagi untuk rapat, gue bilang "pa, aku OSIS." sambil tersenyum, papa bilang, "iya. You are alive now."

Hari ini Christmas Eve. Wow, udah berapa lama gue gak ngepost ya? Hm
Hh, okay. Gue paling benci yang kayak begini. Seriously, gue bener bener sangat gaktau, what to saay? Okay, behave la, behave. Okay, jadii yang membuat gue membuka blog dan klik New Post adalah Netanya Gabrielle. Yang sukses membuat gue terharu, nangis, bener bener blank gaktau mau ngomong apa buat bikin dia bilang "Thanks ya la, sekarang gue udah gakpapa. I'm okay with it."

Jadii, hari ini adalah sehari sebelum natal. Which is christmas eve. Dari dulu gue mengira hari natal adalah christmas eve. Kalo ada orang tanya ke gue natal tanggal berapa, gue pasti bilang tanggal 24. Karena menurut gue, tanggal 24 lebih terkesan daripada tanggal 25 nya sendiri. Kenapa ya? Well saya juga tidak tahu.

Yak, dan gue menulis, ato yang benernya mengetik, di sebuah salon di deket rumah gue. Oh iyaa, gue lupa bilang kalo rumah gue yang di bsd is officially done dan ready to use! Hooray! Applause for my dad? No? Okay, forget it. I'll celebrate it myself.

Rencana hari ini, gue akan partisipasi menjadi Usher dan Candle light service di gereja kesayangan gue. Agak sedikit kecewa sih, karena gue berharap akan "lebih" dari itu. Karena taun lalu, yaa pekerjaan gue juga, uhm, well, usher dan candle light service juga. Hh, try harder next year maybe.

Okaay, jadi gue akan mengakhiri post gue hari ini. Semoga gue gak lupa kalo gue punya blog ini yaa.
Merry Christmas!
Just like my last year's word,
Christmas is not "coming soon" again,
God bless you,
God bless Indonesia!
Raphaela Natasha, 24 Desember 2010

I remember that noon, wondered if I were able to,

skip all thing that doesnt come to the mind
see the world in new side
laugh as hard as I want to
being loved by everybody
have so much chances in life
have so much way to be the best
see the sky clearly without help from airplanes window
be positive in every story of this life book
then scream loudly so the world can find and help me escaping from this unimportant situation